A streetcar called Desire

"I wanted to destroy everything beautiful I'd never have. Burn the Amazon rain forests. Pump chlorofluorocarbons straight up to gobble the ozone. Open the dump valves on supertankers and uncap offshore oil wells. I wanted to kill all the fish I couldn't afford to eat, and smother the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted the whole world to hit bottom.” ― Chuck Palahniuck

Nothing matters anymore. Everything is being torn asunder. Like that of a towering inferno, the dancing flames destroying everything that lies in its path. All the things that you know and love are caught amidst the fiery tempest; like the flames were alive and mocking you. The heat searing into memory and the pain unbearable. The thought of escape impossible. An overwhelming sense of dread and fear palpable.

On the tethering edge of your sanity you begin to question everything. Including reason itself. Engulfed by desire; of the things you want, you love and cannot have. Images, distant and near, of a life that you once held and is fraying at the edges.You think of the cruel joke that a madman would play on a child who has that lollipop snatched away from him at the last moment. The once happy child reduced to tears and that madman being god.

I am you and you are me. One is all and all is one.

The things I seek, the women I want and people I want to possess. Everything a disaster. I have bottomed out. I try to make peace with the darkness, solitude and alienation but there is none.The chorus of the void beckons me, Death and life are coalesced into a singularity. Time ceases to exist. All that remain are memories. Hazy and nebulous like a dream. The faces vague and forgotten. I wonder if anything was real to begin with or everything just a lucid dream?

Certain things that I have learnt from life

I had a dream once where I was floating in a sea of nothingness like so much floatsam. I was unable to feel the waves of emotion or to take guard against the approaching tempest as I carried no will of my own. It was then that I yearned to be alive and to acquire some form of corporeal manifestation and as I awoke I felt that my thoughts had acquired a sentient form.

I do not know if there is any immortality for man or not and I believe that you are truly living your life only when you live for the moment without the burden of the past or worry of what the future holds. I realize now that for as long you are alive and so long as you are capable of feeling trenchant emotion, every fleeting thought or moment is a thing of absolute beauty. It is quite like you are a painting upon a canvas and a transient, constantly changing work of art and it is only when you die that you leave an indelible impression or imprint of your once existence.

As such we are all akin to that of actors in some bizarre theatrical performance and as actors it is upon us that we determine our parts and perform those to perfection. This can only be achieved through self-awareness and through seizing opportunities that one comes across for only then can we achieve some form of success or recognition and the fulfillment of a dream or vision .

And yet, despite the rather precarious nature of our existence it is the hope for a better future that is humanity’s greatest strength. So, no matter how bleak things may look at any moment I have learned that from this moment on it can only get better.For it is only when you refuse to give in with all your heart that you begin to transcend your humanity.

So to surmise the lessons that I have learnt from life are:

1) Live for the moment and hope for a better future
2) Have a dream or vision .
3) Never give up even when surrounded by supposedly insurmountable odds.

The Philosophy of the Misanthrope /Durance of Hate (First Draft)

“The sun was enveloped in Hades. A strange manner of darkness enveloped the globe and the screams and cries of wounded people filled my ears. Just when all hope was lost, a solitary flicker of light shone in the darkness as grim salvation. As the death throes of mankind acquired a feverish crescendo, I merely laughed and blew it out and thus the night was finally silent”

We are liars, liars all of us! We deceive ourselves in believing that humanity is the most noble of all species. Foolishly do we cling to our apocryphal morals and values believing that it differentiates us from those detestable pitiful dumb brutes….. However nothing could be further from the truth.

Mankind is but the most deplorable of all species. We defile the very planet that led to our inception and wantonly murder animals purely for ‘sport’. This has led to the led to the interminable extinction of various species. Human beings are thus like a cancer and in the manner of a scourge we destroy everything that we come across. For that matter we even murder our very own and throughout history countless acts of war or genocide can be cited.

Civilization is but a ruse that fails to depict the fact that the human race is the most vicious, bloodthirsty and efficient killer that evolution has ever spawned. Bias being inherent to the human persona. The civilized man is a charlatan who condemns social delinquents. However he/she fails to realize that these are but a reflection and a side of human nature that one would never wish to come out. Push a man too far, no matter how civilized and it shall reveal itself for what he/she truly is. ‘Nature’ in fact begets the need for self preservation and given the opportunity human beings would acquiesce to devouring their own so as to survive.

For although outwardly we might appear to be perfectly reasonable creatures full of keen thought and trenchant emotion that is apparently free from instinct, yet we see fleeting glimpses of our primordial nature. We see this in the eyes of an unruly mob or the blood hazed eyes of a soldier caught in the heat of battle. Eventually as the effect of religion and moralistic propaganda shall wear off, society shall relegate itself to a state of dystopia thus leading to the eventual fall of man.

Grave Of The Fireflies

“September 10, 2003 is the day I died. It was my dream to be a lawyer
or perhaps even a surgeon of renown. However it was the fatal blow
that was delivered with a resounding finality that ended it all. And
in those last dying moments I wondered - Why do fireflies die so
young? - For I never quite understood why.”

It is perhaps the nature of the human consciousness that decries the
taking of life. However social conventions that culture consists of
are something of a paradox and at times harbor a perception that is a
reflection of an age that beckons to the annals of time as a mere
memory. While it is imperative that we hearken to the wisdom of our
venerable past then we must also possess the temerity to denounce
anachronistic conventions that no longer hold any relevance.

Such is the problem with the social perception of women as India
enters the 21st century which is undoubtedly paradoxical. The
startling statistics that reveal India’s declining sex ratio in the
first decade of the new millennium depicts a bleak scenario. The sex
ratio is the lowest recorded since 1961. Much of this has to do with
women being perceived as being the weaker sex and something of a
burden despite them acquiring greater prominence with the roles they
espouse in areas of science, engineering and technology. It is all the
more astounding that incidents of female foeticide in urban areas are
greater than those in rural areas owing to an easier access to
technology.

For an abortion is wanton murder, simply put. And it is disturbing to
learn that incidents of female foeticide are more wide spread amongst
the educated class thus raising questions about our moral values.

The failure of the education system in doing away with the marked
preference for a male child is sad. Thus there is an urgent need to
remedy this poignant situation and while increased vigilance may
prevent incidents of female foeticide there is still a need to bring
about a greater awareness. For only then can the masses bring about a
paradigm shift and a lasting change.

The Elegy of Jean Paul Rodeaux

The vagaries and inscrutable machinations that galvanize the mind has been a phenomenon still very obscure to modern science. Hitherto considered to be an enigma; a mystery central to that of life and the immeasurable depths of the great void. So strange is it not, those sere memories of the past should haunt us and yet define our very existence. For beyond the black gates of the abyss, there lies no memory but only the cold embrace of sleep eternal.

The mind is an intricate tangle of emotions and a flurry of thoughts that rouses us into action. It is still abstruse as to why the ideals of justice are well placed within some while in others such notions are considered a mere passing fancy. Such men are unhindered by sanctimonious morals but are restrained however by decree of society. As such the tenets of all that is civilization lays upon the gossamer fidelity of mere man.


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I must admit that at first I loved her and this despite her person. For beautiful she was and despite her many limitations, my heart accepted her without prejudice. It was her demure and innocent nature that made her all the more alluring. Such was the nature of the charm she possessed, that I was inextricably drawn and she bade me her every whim and desire.

Strange was the power that she exuded over men and women alike turning them into mere vassals, and at times she expressed a sense of profoundness so keen that it was unbecoming for a woman of her naiveté.

Improbable as it was but I was led asway, and my heart strongly yearned, brimming with desire.Haplessly did I fall in love and hoped that she would belong to no other. Despite my foolish remonstrations, I soon realized that the human heart stands easily deceived.

It was then in a solitary moment of madness that I committed myself to murder much against that of the wishes of my anguished heart. Very vividly do I recall her reflection against the blood stained glass and ghastly expression of awestruck horror. I looked upon the empty accusing eyes of my beloved, her lifeless corpse slumped against the wall and knew that I was damned, forevermore .

It is only now as I awaken from my dream like cadence, do I realize my utter folly. Although now despair and loneliness are my perennial companions and only death that awaits me in its sepulchral chamber as the last sanctuary, nor hope that stands to deceive. Merely, a grim cognizance of that which is inevitable.

(Please note that is not a complete draft and there are elements missing that I shall add later)

When an unstoppable force meets an immovable object

Batman is like, totally the most awesome fictional character ever conceived…plus he has some of the best villains in comicdom to deal with. However for a moment, imagine a far more terrible and hideous version of batman.

Sort of like this...

vampire + batman = total epic awesomeness! Although this is like a more awesome version of batman, there could be something far more terrible out there….something that would send a chill down your spine and make you scream like a pansy lil girl.

Like in real life (coz real life is stranger than fiction)

So what could possibly be worse, eh?

Imagine peering down from the brink of an abyss.Under the faint glimmer of the gibbous moon, you gaze upon a diseased world. A world that is torn with strife and suffering wherein there are those that are eternally damned lie and their deafening cries of help are all but unheeded to.

A world where the joker was not only batman’s arch nemesis but also his mother!




(It's okay to scream now)

Such a creature cannot possibly be bargained with, cannot be reasoned with and most importantly cannot be dealt with in any possible fashion…..Yea my mom is a raving lunatic and a potential sociopath.

My poor dog was so petrified of this really queer woman that she just ran away, never to be seen again….I am glad that she did though and it’s a small mercy, really.Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned even if it's by a lil puppy.

She’s like a total wacko and loves calling up my friends, girlfriends , my boss and thinks it’s extremely hilarious or something… You cannot even ask her to fucking stop being so annoying, coz she would either happen to lock herself in her room or refuse to part with my laundry.

I really fail to understand this bizarre woman coz she has this really loud obnoxious voice and she actually believes that she’s a great singer. Should you happen to piss her off in any possible manner,then she would mumble all day long and it’s really impossible to not hear her loud and horrible voice even if you were to lock yourself in the confines of your little room. Living with her is worse than being in a bloody nazi concentration camp coz even if you were to say ignore her, then she would find a way to screw your sense of optimism by banging or kicking your door…..Much akin to that of a relentless, bloodthirsty predator .

As you can well fathom my childhood was spent in a state of continual trauma...It’s just a few months now but it seems to be an eternity and I must get away, now!

Please do forgive me that I brought you into of all of this, but there is nothing you can do about it now. All I needed was for someone to accompany me in my perennial solitude and the screaming insanity
that has become my very existence....

Anathema

This was my first attempt at writing fiction (Have written a few more since then as my writing has improved considerably but this I believe is always going to be something special)

Reflections
As I gaze out of my bedroom window, at this rather peculiar unearthly hour, a million thoughts, (like a tempest), penetrate my consciousness. Perhaps our primitive minds understand too little, and there are secrets that mankind must never behold, or we will...it is dark outside. There is a blackout and the room is enveloped in a sinister Cimmerian shade. Yet, the world is not asleep as I can see distant silhouettes that move in the faint glimmer of the gibbous moon. Civilization, it seems, ceases to exist for a moment, and there are no rules that hold us anymore! We are free, like the spectres in the everlasting and ethereal night, to explore all the astral mysteries that behold us in space and beyond. Perhaps our primitive minds understand too little, and there are secrets that mankind must never behold, or we will lose all semblance of sanity. For the sake of being sanguine, I will not pursue this stream of thought any further, for all my dreams are nightmares, and that is something I do not wish to reveal. These I will concede to no one.



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Epilogue(The end)

There was a vague feeling of dread as I looked at the distant figure in the darkness. Something about the way it moved seemed to be queer and almost unnatural. The cold and damp midnight air had heightened my senses so much so that I felt a forlorn sense of impending doom.It was a blood moon and the moonlight shone like scarlet.





The Beginning/Prologue

It had all begun with the discovery of the primordial fossilized specimen in the Antarctic continent. The fossil, despite being perhaps millions of years old, was well preserved in the cold of the Antarctic iceberg. It was a fossil of a hitherto unknown species of a race of peculiar reptelloid beings that had existed eons ago when the earth was still young. The discovery had excited Dr. Henri Schmidt and he considered it as the perfect catalyst for our experiment.

The ancient colonial building, where we housed our research, was filled with an eerie glow in the incandescent flicker of the twilight. The somewhat dilapidated structure was a state run research facility, and a front for the most clandestine form of research. The inhuman screams and nocturnal ululations that echoed in the night kept the general populace away as they believed it to be haunted.

Our endeavor, and unholy quest, was known only to an esoteric few high ranking state officials. The experiment had reached its final stage and would have very serious implications if it were successful. It had the potential to turn the tide of war in Germany’s favor again which was precisely what the Fuhrer desired. Our somewhat macabre enterprise would perhaps take us into realms of understanding the human anatomy that had scarcely been explored before. We, as a research team, had uncovered secrets that we termed as genetic research, which any other relevant department concerned with mere eugenics and experimental research had failed to accomplish in the past.

Our objective was to create the ultimate form of super soldier that would stand as a testament to Germany’s greatness and superiority which would cause the rest of the world to bow down in subservience. I could scarcely contain my excitement after our breakthrough last night. We were manipulating nature at its core and the results could prove to be nothing short of disastrous.

The inchoate mass appeared to be stable although its grotesqueness clearly insinuated the abhorrent nature of it origins. There was a curious gleam in Dr Henri Schmidt eyes as he considered the ramifications of the cells fusing together and a new being coming into existence. I shared his excitement, but Dr Schmidt...Henri...my eminent colleague-head researcher-and one of the founding members of the Thule society, had an uncanny hint of madness in his faded blue eyes. His mawkish appearance was betrayed by the fervor in his voice as he stated “This is most exciting. The Reich will be pleased with the results."









Chapter 1 :The Remnant

There were bodies strewn everywhere. The corpses appeared to be unnaturally twisted, and the most frightening aspect was the peculiar and inexplicably contorted grimace on their usually quaint faces. My memory was a nebulous haze, and I could scarcely recall the horror that had led to the catastrophe in the lab. It was most unsettling. The lab resembled a black citadel of the dead and there were no visible signs of life anywhere. I wondered about the nature of the thing that could strike such deep fear among these intrepid men of science.

It was like being trapped in some otherworldly hellish quagmire for all the people I had known, and worked with, were dead...murdered in the most gruesome fashion by some nightmarish abomination let loose. Their eyes had an expression of stark naked fear and their jaws lay open in a most unusual manner as if they were trying to mouth a voiceless scream….. It is a wonder that I was not driven insane by these events, and had something to do with perhaps my morbid fascination to discover the hideous nature of the thing.

Much I pondered as to the nature of the peril we had unleashed in our zeal and frenzy to uncover the forbidden vistas of the unknown ….. Somehow I laboriously made my way out of what was now an ossuary and clambered on prodigiously on to the multitudinous stone steps in the never- ending darkness of the night to find my way out of the dank cellar where we ran our horrendous experiments. Due to my emaciated state I had frequent blackouts whence I could not recall certain events and I cannot piece them together even now. It was perhaps only my paranoid mind playing tricks on me in my state of decadence but I had a strange and poignant sensation of being watched….why was I the only one who survived the massacre? Did this being perhaps have some semblance of rational thought and was I chosen specifically for some sinister purpose?

Eventually I made my escape and I could see that an uneasy calm had permeated through the quaint township; Remarkable for a place so used to the drums of war, the silence was unnerving but welcome. I soon became cognizant that all of Germany was now vacant and some manner of fantastic plague had ravaged it far more than any war ever could. An old hatred gnawed through my veins, and almost suddenly I could feel a smile creep up on my visage… For I realized now that the very last shroud of humanity that I despised so much was being torn asunder….



  Chapter 2:The Awakening

 Throughout the countless millennia it has always been the same, the aspect of war that never changes.I.It's all so familiar; the tempestous ocean , the creaking ship, the howling wind and the sound of steel being buried in flesh and the sweet smell of death amidst the glowing embers of war

 How I wish that I was far more than a mere man, that I was born a storm or gale or perhaps a miracle that left a trail of destruction in its wake. If I cannot be that miracle than I shall be the instrument that leads to that miracle.

(To be continued...I still need to work on this a little and alter the flow as well.)


Also posted by me on ATS (using the alias: Leonardo01)